Snowing Words

It’s snowing words…everywhere.

It’s actually worse than the wet, cold stuff we’ve all gotten so used to, this year.

This particular snow can’t be shoveled fast enough…except by the person who is shoveling it on top of you.

I’m talking about the runaround people give you when they’re trying to avoid discussing an issue.

No issue in particular…pick one…any one.

If they don’t want to discuss it or simply don’t have a cogent reply at hand…out comes the snow.

Piles and piles of snow on top of snow pile after snow pile….

You might have a different name for it.

But I think I’ll stick with snow.

I’ll start with lawyers, because in any discussion of this particular brand of snow that’s the first thing that pops into my head. That and a pair of hip boots, because attorneys can pile it pretty deep.

Last year I spent a great amount of time dealing with a lawyer.

No…it had nothing to do with that incident with the cube steak and the Chihuahua.

This was about something else, altogether, concerning heady financial matters…and if you know me, at all…you know that would have nothing to do with me, personally.

Anyway, if the lawyer, or more precisely, the lawyer’s paralegal who actually does 99% of the lawyering, without the credit, much less the money, called me and requested documents and or any sort of information, including my list of currently owned pre-Sgt. Pepper Beatle albums, in order of preference—which, to be honest, I found odd, because how do you not include Sgt. Pepper in that request—I would immediately drop what I was doing…napping is way over rated anyway—scan the requested items and instantly return e-mail the documents.

Then I would wait…and wait… and wait…and wait…sometimes for days…and not hear anything back… from a-n-y-b-od-y…..

But I was cool with that, I figured they were busy, you know, getting someone off for murder or something…or possibly saving some poor endangered species from extinction.

So I would wait about another 6 weeks or so, or at least until I brought all the crops in for the fall, and still nothing.

Finally, I would send a gentle little e-mail wondering what the status was.

Which would be followed by about 2 dozen return e-mails, apologizing for the delay, detailing the many reasons it couldn’t be avoided, along with a “rough” “tentative” time frame of things to expect down the road…as soon as I sent back the completed documents and forms they requested…which I had already returned 6 weeks previous and after the crops…including the list of Beatle albums.

When I would then politely respond that all of the requested material had indeed been returned weeks ago, and I had been patiently waiting for a response as to what the next steps were, I was told that of course they received the material and reviewed it all—twice—but were still trying to decide whether or not they should include Sgt. Pepper.

Ahhhhhhhhhh…I see.

Once all that was cleared up and I dug myself out of the snow pile, I would then move on to call the big important investment company that had asked me to “FAX”....

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